Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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