Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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