I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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