What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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