My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
