i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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