i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
send nudes
from the living room?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
