capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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