So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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