I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
