I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
