My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
