Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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