I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
