Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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