He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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