My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
