Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sex in a hospital.. check
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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