so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
