just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
