my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
