She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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