In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
