I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea