I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.