That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?