please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
