You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
