I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
