but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
