Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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