We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
