im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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