i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
