I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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