Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
