I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
