i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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