I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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