I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
