Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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