I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
