Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
