Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
