you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
