He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
