ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
