forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You made out with two different species that night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
