I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
