matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my shit smells like andre
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
