I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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