Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
