Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
