if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
