Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
