so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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