Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
