It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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