This girl is more easily done than said...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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