I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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