they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
