I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
