Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
