What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
