State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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