Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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