But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
