Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
