Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
