How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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