This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
