My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
