her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
