dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
